It’s so easy to become frustrated with ourselves when we want to be holy but continually fall short. We fall into the trap of believing that just because we want to be saints means we should already be one. Rather than having patience and endurance, we hold on to this mindset which leads to anxiety, fear, and shame. As we strive for holiness, we become very aware of the gap between where we are right now and where we want to be. And we believe that where we want to be is where we should be right now. Especially when growing up in the Church, we hear and see so many examples of holiness that it can be difficult not to despair when we compare ourselves to the great saints of the past. It’s good to be aware of our own weaknesses and sinfulness, but we need to pay attention to how we are approaching it: does reflecting on our imperfections lead us to freedom or slavery?
The difference between freedom and slavery is the difference between guilt and shame. When the Holy Spirit is the driving force behind the recognition of our guilt, it leads us to conviction and remorse; it’s rooted in humility and brings about change in us. When we listen to the Accuser as he points out our imperfections, it’s rooted in pride and makes us hide in shame—and the more ashamed we are of our sins and faults, the more we give in to them.
We are in the middle of a war and the battlefield is the mind. We need to be aggressive and violent towards thoughts leading to shame, and we need to feed and foster thoughts that lead to change and conviction. We need to equip ourselves for battle everyday with the Sword of the Spirit: the Word of God. We need to learn to recognize the difference between the Holy Spirit’s conviction and the Accuser’s condemnation. The problem is we’re so used to shame that we don’t even know what real conviction sounds like! God has no negative talk, ever. He wants to convict us in order to prevent us from wounding ourselves with sin, but he doesn’t speak to us the way the Devil does. God always sees us in light of Jesus in every situation.
We are fighting a battle, and we cannot win it overnight. We must have endurance and patience, trusting the Lord has us where He wants us. If we want to be freed of the shame of not being where we think we should be, the we need to take on a deep posture of surrender; we need to have hope in God’s timing. The Lord is pleased as long as you keep showing up. As St. Paul points out, “[W]e rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us” (Romans 5:3-5). So the next time we find ourselves feeling hopeless because we aren’t saints yet, let’s ask ourselves: is this leading me to freedom or slavery?
Truth From Scripture
"And to keep me from being too elated by the abundance of revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan, to harass me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I besought the Lord about this, that it should leave me; but he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities; for when I am weak, then I am strong." ~ 2 Corinthians 12:7-10
Wisdom From The Saints
"Do not be ashamed to enter again into the Church. Be ashamed when you sin. Do not be ashamed when you repent. Pay attention to what the devil did to you. These are two things: sin and repentance. Sin is a wound; repentance is a medicine. Just as there are for the body wounds and medicines, so for the soul are sins and repentance. However, sin has the shame and repentance possesses the courage."
~ St. John Chrysostom
